We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
