my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
