So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
