I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
