Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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