I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize