using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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