Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
