i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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