so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
