I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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