ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
