Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
