you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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