Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
