cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
