Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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