She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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