It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
