Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Randomize
