just come out here and I will go home with you...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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