Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
