i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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