Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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