Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
