So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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