Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
