dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
