he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
