aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
