i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
