why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize