Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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