I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
