also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
