genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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