I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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