so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
