so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
