while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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