I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
