She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
