She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
