i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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