I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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