this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
