it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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