he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
