I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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