you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
