i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
