party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
