she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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