So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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