I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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