Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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