He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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