I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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