I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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