Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
