So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
