then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
