Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
